Within My Small World

You remembered there were times that exactly the same. It crushed on you so hard, until it forced you to made up your mind. A decision that keep you away from those you love. Far away, but still near in your heart.
It all started because of a comment from someone you’ve trust with all your heart. A deadly comment.

Growing up, you have been shaped to not shows your weaknesses in order for you to be success. You’ve tried so hard to build a wall around it. Never shows that you’re weak. Share your concern with your family and your loved ones, but not with others. Trust no one, but believe in your family. And love your partner fully. It will makes you happy. But there is a drawback. If any of those two criticize you, then you’ll be very vulnerable.

You felt the wall collapsed. You felt weak and cornered. Instead of happiness, you’ll see a burden. Instead of truth, you’ll smell lies. Instead of love, you felt sympathy. And worst, even it seems near, you’ll feel a far.The relationship felt shaky and you don’t know what to do next.

But you have the opportunity to fled away. To a new place, being among new peoples. It doesn’t take you long enough to forget the hatred, to forget the humiliation. But it has a prize to pay. You are now miles away from the persons that you held dear. Once in a while, you regretted your decision. However, you know deep inside this is better for everyone.

But now, it happens again. Will you run away again? Or will you stand on your foot and fight?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about relationship. Well, obviously its nothing near to the activity behind master bedroom door. At least not in public blog.

Well, i’m talking about career. Yes, your job. The job you’re paid for. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt lazy to go to your office? A bit dull during meeting? And not as active as the first month you’re there?

According to Aristotle, “Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work” . It is true. But what will happen, if the table turn the other way round? Is the work not perfect? Personally, I would think it is at least near to perfect. But the outcome won’t be the same.

How to know that you’ve lost the interest?

1. You get tired easily – Well, it is easy to see. Once you have lost interest, you might felt that the job getting harder. And it will require more energy. Thus, you’ll get tired easily. But if you look closely enough, the amoun t of job is the same. Why? Let’s go to item number 2.

2. You will lost the interest to explore new things – Without interest or passion, you tend to remain in the safe ground. You lost the urge to try new things. This will make things even worst, because you will end up doing the same things over and over again. After a while, you will get bored. Worst case, you become a dead wood. No company that prefer to keep a dead wood. Keep that in mind.

3. You will become demotivated – One of the strongest motivation of all is our interest and passion. Without this, most people will get demotivated. It will soon become a burden to the carrier.  You will felt that going to work is just a matter of doing what your boss told you to. And wait for the salary by end of the month. Sooner or later, there is no clear line between you and your photocopy machine. Trust me!

In the end, these 3 invaluable emotion will crushed your career. By the time you realise it, it will be too late. If you know you have lost interest in what you’re doing currently, it is best to sought for other alternatives. Or take a few minutes and think of what is the real things that you sought for. Is it money? Or is it your life?

P/S: I’m still wondering whether I am at the right path for my own career life…

Not another world in a physical way. What I mean here is either marriage or engagement. Well, when you’re 24 this scenario is not that weird rite? It’s not weird but it feels a bit uncomfortable. Especially when you’re not joining them. One night you felt bored, and started to browse the net. You remembered friendster, your social network that you’d neglect for ages. You start browsing, and seeing all those wedding invitation that you had missed. OMG!!! You actually missed your friends’ weddings. (How you felt now?) I felt miserable. Really I am. I missed a couple of friends wedding.

Eventhough I felt regret and upset for not going to their wedding, but I am happy for them. Gosh, all my girlfrens. They are so beautiful!!! Well, their husbands handsome to. Browsing thru their wedding photos, I felt relieved, happy for them. However, there is this weird small feeling deep in my heart that I don’t understand.

This weird feeling. So deep, so small yet a bit disturbing. Am I jealous? I think so. I should be! Cos they have found their happiness. I’m still unmarried. In a relationship, but unmarried. I have a career. I have my life. But all seems not enough. I’m getting older, but marriage plan? It still blurry path for me. I’m not sure if I ever get married also. Aha!!

The time will come, I still believe it will. Just the minor problem is, will I be able to wait for it to come? Waiting for the door to be opened and finally step into the “other world” with the rest of my frens? The path is still blurry……for the time being. And I don’t have the strength to lighten it. At least not for now, that for sure.

To all my frens that got married… CONGRATULATIONs!!!!!!!!! It’s an accomplishment of life!! Muakkksss

It really sick when it happen right? Sometime you felt it just required a logical thinking to know when is it the right time you should think of others. It occured to me yesterday. After having a very full dinner (I know, its fattening! I don’t care), so me and my dear rush for nearest hypermarket to perform maghrib prayer. This hypermarket (I won’t expose the name cos i don’t want to tarnished their image..i think i might slowly becoming like Malaysian news. We complaint, we exposed the wrong doing. But didnt mention the name…So??). This hypermarket have this musolla (Surau we called in Malay). Separate room for guys and girls (Of course!!)

I’m not going to complaint about the musolla, cos it is big enough to accomodate many muslimah at one time. Nice and comfy as well. I just don’t feel right about the user behaviour. This musolla has a door (of course there is, or else how to come in you will think. Alright i have to mention the door since it is closely related ok?) Imagine in a close room, and you preparing to get your prayer clothes off. You have to face the door cos the qiblah is that way. U just remove your scarf, so your hair is exposed. At that exact time, someone coming in. Okay, its not that i have a problem with her coming in. The problem arise when she (the ignorant) hold the door quite long and open it widely. I was WTH??? Can you close the door please (In my heart) cos i can see people walked pass by the room. What happen if there someone looking into the room?

So deeply in my heart i was pissed off. I’m angry to some peoples:

1) The ignorant. Can’t you just come into the room as fast you can? It not like your ass does not fit though the door. And does you really need to open the door as widely to the maximum opening? I can’t see that you’re as fat as me!! Why can’t you just simply gets to your logic and think of other peoples in the room? We are not for displays. I was really pissed off.

2) The hypermarket management. Why on earth did you choose this room to be the girls? This room is facing the passageway and it is really inconvenient. Especially when ignorant peoples like to open the door damn wide. The boys’ room however in the other hand is  facing the emergency exit. No one is lingering at the emergency exit right? So here, the boys getting the privacy and girls don’t? Do i smell something inequality here?

Well, that’s what i thought yesterday. Just a note to who ever reads this. Next time you want to open any girls room, please think of others privacy. Don’t open the door damn wide and PLEASE close it as fast as you could.